read // this will only hurt a little
I was not super familiar with Busy Philipps before reading her debut memoir. I became aware of her and started to gravitate towards her on Instagram; my social media obsession of choice at the moment.
Her IG stories are hilariously authentic, filled with loads of music recommendations and while she is, in fact, a big Hollywood celebrity, she feels like the cool mom from school that you always see and are dying to get to know.
My genre of choice for books tends to lean heavily on biographies and memoirs. Like I said in my last book review, I can't relate to the shiny happy side of people's lives. I mean, good on you, but lead me through the weeds and mud, share with me what you learned, let me peek inside your thought process and how you came out on top, those are the stories for me. This book is just that.
It's the candid story of her life and how she is a just a girl trying to figure it out as she goes along. She makes lots of mistakes, learns things about herself, both good and bad, and stumbles into a life she can be "*pretty happy*" with. This is exactly what I am doing, so to listen to others do the same is really appealing to me.
A few things I took away from this book...
Reaching out for help is never easy.
"Ugh, I have to FIND someone and then go EXPLAIN all the things I'm thinking and feeling? No, that's okay, I'll just stay here in my brain that won't stop turning, and cry in the bathroom..."
With the birth of her second child, amidst working in television, caring for her then rocky marriage, Busy found herself in the dark embrace of postpartum depression. Similar to me, suffering from PPD with the birth of my second child, reading her struggle reminded me of how hard this time and space is and how difficult it is to ask for help.
You logically know you need help and if your best friend was in the same position, you would of course never judge her. But when it comes to YOU, it becomes a sign of weakness and an embarrassing lack of ability to manage your own life. At least, that was what it was for me.
Asking for help, is one of the greatest lessons I have learned in my 40 years, though, sadly, it does not get easier. The judgement on yourself is still there, but it lingers a little less than it did before. No matter the situation, if you need help, just ask. It's hard but it's important. I am currently walking through the feelings of having to ask for help yet again, help with a certain aspect of my health, and though I have enormous amounts of support, it still leaves me a little embarrassed and ashamed of myself. Like I said, it isn't easy, but it's important.
It's more important to be yourself than to have people like you.
"There are certain people who are what I call sparkly humans.”
Being a people pleaser and really wanting people to like her is a strong theme in the book and her formative years, as was with mine. She wanted to be a sparkly person that people liked.
Just like Busy, when I was younger, I just wanted everyone to like me.
No drama, no fights, be included and have people like me. Sounds like an easy enough wish, but the complexities that come along with that are many. You make choices based on what you think others would like instead of what you actually like. You find yourself in situations that you wouldn't have chosen if it were solely up to you. You become more of a shell, then a whole. Confused about your own wants and purpose because you have always focused on what you think others would want from you. It's far more complex than just being easy going, and I could totally relate while reading.
Luckily, just like Busy, in the end and through time and age, you learn, well, you actually eventually get tired and fed up with all the pleasing, and just say FUCK IT and do what you want. It's exhausting pleasing everyone all the time and rarely works out the way you want it too. I've learned, only over the last few years, that choosing myself and what makes me pretty happy over then needs of others actually make me more attractive to others. The authenticity comes through and your realness shines; you sparkle, if you will and you thrive by being yourself. Which is such a better way to be...
Now it's your turn, have you read this book? Do you relate to any of the themes that stuck out to me? Do you enjoy biographies, if so, what kind specifically? I would love to hear!
Happy reading and until next time take listen. THIS is what I pictured in my mind while reading this book. I pictured all the nights I would sit up listening to Tori Amos on repeat, her angst meshed well with all my mixed up emotions as a tween/teen...Silent All These Years by Tori Amos.